Life and Stuff...mainly stuff

Nostalgia is a place that you can visit every now and then but if you stay there too long, you can get too caught up in the past that you are lost in the present. Granted, it is nice every now and then looking back at all the fond memories and embarrassing choices, even those painful memories that you wish you could forget. Growing up sucks sometimes when you force yourself to remember the mistakes that you have made overtime.

Everyone has their own foundation in which they form opinions, a filter that projects a certain persona others characterize you with.  Have you ever meet someone who you just want to get to know but they won’t let you in? Yeah I met them but they didn’t want to meet me and that kinda pissed me off. Yeah I know it isn’t all about me but that idea forced me to realize that life doesn’t always go the way we plan, no matter how hard we force it. Sometimes even trying to make things right in your eyes fucks things up even worse (pardon my language).

If you want to get to know everyone and everything you spread yourself thin but if you limit yourself to just a couple of people, then you’re being selfish. There’s no right answer. Sometimes I would want a friend just to vent to and someone to eat lunch with and someone basically not to feel by my self because who wants to feel alone. Maybe that’s why I spread myself thin, not really thin just familiarizing myself with others around me, like a comfort thing. Someone once told me that they have a select number of friends and maybe after a few of them graduate then I could be his friend because his rationale is that he doesn’t have the time. That was tough to hear but it makes sense.

I wish that all my friends were so accessible to the point where they could be there any time I needed someone, but as time goes by, people change. My fear is of change. There doesn’t need to be any fear of change in friendship or change in the way things used to be if you put effort into the friendships you want to maintain. Looking back in the past of friendships doesn’t help because we look back to the past and embellish what we want to see. Embellishing helps is to remember the memory that we are seeking but it also distorts our perception of our own actions as well as others. Don’t fully rely on your memory because it might not always show you what you want to see or what you actually experience. Even you can lie to yourself. Too many people are too certain about too many things.